Talking about suicide: it's okay to ASK

10 September marks World Suicide Prevention Day and, this year, the call is to ‘start the conversation’. Here, we outline the ASK method as a way of starting the conversation.

Please note: this blog discusses suicide, the tips are not a substitute for professional mental health advice. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please seek immediate help from a mental health professional or emergency services.

That may feel challenging, but by starting a conversation with someone, you’re giving them the chance to express how they feel and get the help they need.

First, let’s dispel the myth that by asking about suicide you are putting ideas in the person’s head. Mental health trainer Julie Castleman says: “There is no evidence that talking confidently and with knowledge, about suicide increases a person’s intent. Evidence suggests that if we ask the person about suicide, and signpost them to sources of support, it can be a relief, giving them the opportunity to share how they are feeling and find the help that they need to stay safe”

We asked Julie for some simple tips on how you can open up a conversation with someone who you are concerned may be having suicidal thoughts.

Ask directly

Start by showing the person you’ve noticed something different about them, for example that they’ve seemed withdrawn or are expressing feelings of worthlessness. (It’s worth remembering, however, that it isn’t always possible to tell that a person is contemplating suicide.) Ask them how they are and, if they say, “I’m fine”, ask again. Keep the lines of conversation open with them and check in more than once.

Don’t be afraid to ask a direct question about thoughts of suicide, for example: “I’ve noticed that you’re feeling down, and I’ve heard you say that you don’t want to be around. Are you thinking about suicide?”

Avoid questions that belittle or challenge what they may be feeling, for example: “I hope you’re not thinking of doing something silly or stupid?”

Seek more information

Asking more questions will help to demonstrate empathy , showing that you care about the person, for example: “How long have you felt like this?” and “Have you talked to anyone about how you’re feeling?”

Be aware that it’s generally not true that people who are thinking about suicide want to die; what they want is for the difficult feelings that they’re experiencing to stop or the situation they are in to change.

Know what to do next

Know what help and resources are available and help the person access the most suitable ones:

Their GP, call 111 or, in a crisis, call 999
SHOUT: text SHOUT to 85258, a 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis
Samaritans: call 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, online Samaritans.org

Resources that support you are just as valuable, both to help you have the conversation and for your own self-care. Talking about suicide isn’t easy and may bring up difficult feelings in you as well.